keeping my sanity

aaah...minggu dpan final.rasa mcm nk pengsan dh ni.tiap2 ari bangun ngadap buku tapi aram xmasuk.ni chemistry punya psl..abis patah smngt nk blajar subjek lain.aku mmg ditakdirkan xpaham chem sampai bila2. so...aku sian gile sape yg amik course chemical engine. muahahahha. taun dpan aku ngadap batu, korank ngadap la lewis structure,isomers, enantiomers, ape2 mers yg korank nak... aku BENCI GILA.

sbenarnya xtau nk ckp ape... dh lama xupdate and aku sure xdek orang kisah aku update ke x tp this is my own diary. hopefully, one day nanti time aku dh kawin ngan Taylor Lautner and ade cucu cicit, buleh ler tunjuk kt diaorang psl kehidupan aku zaman remaja(remaja lg ker?). hah...

aku nk diaorang jadikan teladan hidup ,jgn la asyik nk brseronok2 kalu diri masih student kalu x...chemistry pun dpt half mark jer. hahahhaha.

terima kasih krn dgr aku meraban. aku mmg pndi meraban sjak kecik. hidden talent kot. muahahha. wish me luck guys. arap2 coursework chemistry aku lepas 40 dn fizik pun..at least aku buleh lulus. dn 6th Jan. please lar..cepat skit buleh? aku dh xtahan ni.chowww...

Gila itu saya

assalamualaikum smua!! ape khabar ? sorry ler lama x update blog kesayangan aku nih. ni smua test punya pasal. bilik aku dh mcm tongkang pecah. baju x basuh, kain x lipat, bilik x sapu seminggu. aku RASA MCM NK GILA dh ni. hidup mcm dh x normal. tp nk wat mcm mana, ni la hidup sbgai seorang student. nk komen byk2 pun, hidup orang lain lg susah. stakt hidup yg kte hadap tiap2 ari ni, xler susah mane. mcm2 mane pum..if we dont want to be strong for ourself, be strong then for other people. utk mama abah.. kawan2.

no exact topic for today's post. just a random ramblings about my life. so a few facts about my life.

1) note this.i HATE CHEMISTRY! ape pasal aku kene blajar carbon nk attack sape? dia cukup electron ke x..suka ati dia la.apsal aku nk jaga tepi kain carbon. bapak ar..menyampah giler tajuk nih. kalu chemistry tu adalah manusia,aku nk sepak mcm ni:

HHAHAHHAHAHHA

2) PHYSIC itu adalah subject ker? sblum aku masuk utp, aku ngan fizik mmg ditakdirkan brsama. siap nyanyi lagu serasi bersama (lagu ajai dn nurul) lagi. dulu, dia xpenah belot ngan aku. aku amat memahami dirinya yg amat kompleks tp skarang ni.... dia brpaling tadah. sayang fizik, apsal ko asyik ckp psl magnetism n electricity jer dua tiga menjak ni?awak tau an.... saya amat benci ELECTRICITY N MAGNETISM!!!???? AWAK NK SAYA CLASH NGAN AWAK KE? TLG LA SEDAR DIRI SKIT... KALU SAYA XNK KT AWAK..SAPE LG NK KT AWK?RASA MCM NK BELASAH AWAK JER!!

okehh..puas hati.

3) calculus. ok. fine. aku xnk ckp pape psl menda ni. nk mengutuk pun xtau nk ckp psl ape sbb aku xphm pape psl calculus.

4) JEWELS. the best thing ever happen to me. nasib baik, tatkala aku aku sedey giler tahap king kong...diaorang slalu ade kt sisi aku. aku jarang menangis dpn orang dn kadang2 ape yg aku rasa, aku xnk ckp kt orng. biar la orng tgk aku senyum, sengih2 mcm kerang busuk tp kadang2 itu yg trbaik an. tapi ngan JEWELS, aku xperlu jadik orang lain. kalu aku sedey, aku tnjuk..kalu aku meroyan, aku tunjuk. kalu nk meraung, aku meraung jer dpn diaorng. they have seen the worst and the best part of me. and they accept me just the way I am.

JEWELS...kte mcm turtle ni kan. we need to have and help each other forever.

btul la kate sesetengah orang. kte nmpak ape yg xbetul dlm idup kte. kte nampak ape kurangnya kte brbanding orang lain. tp kte x nampak...btape brtuahnya kte krn menjadi diri kte sendiri. so... kalu korank dpt markah test teruk...coursework mcm hampeh giler... tp ingat la...sem 3 mengajar korank utk menjadi insan yg study. striving utk menda yg korank think it is impossible. learning to accept how bad u are at certain things. idup mane snang. FACE IT LIKE U SHOULD.

dunia dh nk kiamat.

Saya gemuk, saya OK. Saya pendek,saya OK. Saya hitam, saya OK. Saya xpandai,saya OK. Saya gedik, saya OK. Saya suka pink, saya OK. Saya benci Chemistry, saya OK. Saya normal dan saya OK. tp bagaimana kalu orng cakap... 'SAYA GAY, SAYA OK'. dan it is totally NOT OK.

For this topic, i dont want to leave any single comment on this issue. it is very sensitive for my religion and also for my race. and i'm also begging all of my readers, to not leaving any stupid comment either in this blog or youtube. i just want u to see this and reflect about ourself. what we did to our society and how this kind of thing can be so openly discussed? how can it be expressed like it is nothing? dont point out ur fingers to others instead put it to our head, and think guys... dunia dh nk kiamat ker?dimana silap kita?instead of telling...how dumb and stupid he is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJLSteQIcms&feature=player_embedded

chill out guys... jgn pergi bunuh mamat nih. as i said before....reflecting ourself is better than cursing how SETAN mamat nih. so... take ur time to think and be good on ur comment if u want to leave any on youtube. peace.

oh my CARDIGAN

assalamualaikum dn salam satu MALAYSIA smuuuaa!bagaimanakah hari anda pada hari ini(mcm dj ERA).harap2 korank sihat n bahagia disamping orang tercinta.baiklah...(bapak skema giler post aku ari ni)...ari ini aku nk mengepost satu tajuk yg bg aku,aku trlampau minat tajuk pada ari ini.iaitu FASHION. Kepada lelaki2 yg dh rasa mual tatkala aku menyebut prkataan fashion,anda smua boleh la tutup page ni,dn bukaklah PES atau dota anda.sesunggunya dunia itu lebih brmakna buat diri anda.

tajuk utama pd hari ini adalah CARDIGAN.sjujur-jujurnya aku xler suka sngat pakai cardigan sbb xsesuai mane ngan cuaca panas trlampau mcm gurun sahara kt Malaysia.especially kt Tronoh ni yg amat femes dgn musim summer nya.tp trend still trend. apabila Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie pakai cardigan,terdetik di hati kecik ni utk beli cardigan sejibik mcm diaorng.tp aku agak kesal bile tgk Lindsay Lohan yg dulunya ade sense of fashion mcm ni

Dh jadik mcm ni pada tahun 2010:

sian la dia ni.aiihhh..okey..teruskan topik.Christina Aguilera baru jer brsalin tp her post baby body amatlah cantik.ape jenis jamu la dia ni makan.mmg fit n nampak sngat healthy.

Anak dia trlampau cute.rasa mcm nk pegi culik jer(ini adalah jokes jgn bimbang,aku xkan wat mcm tuh).see...cardigan yg dia pakai iss soooo simple but yet,elegant.next:

animal printed cardigan sometimes is overrated.smua orang suka...tp tahukan anda kalu cardigan tu mmg btul2 kulit binatang,kan lagi best korank pakai?baru nampak mcm branded n ORIGINAL.apsal?aku kejam?larr...korank kan suka menda ori.hahahha.mati aku kena tangkap ngan PETA.

dan itu dia...the only girl in the world,rihanna.alrite serius...cantik giler cardigan dia.tp kalu dia pakai dress colour dark blue will be much better.she has such a good sense of fashion tp apsal rambut dia colour merah?kalu aku tgk muka dia,mesti aku tringat kt mad hatter dlm citer alice in wonderland.mmg sejibik la kawan2.

cuma..rihanna merah lgi.hahahhah.

baiklah..sampai sini sahaja post aku pd kali ini.aku harap industri cardigan di malaysia akan terus meningkt dn butik2 di malaysia juga akan terus menjual cardigan dgn harga yg murah agar pelajar seperti kami yg dpt elaun hanya 400 sebulan dpt slalu membeli cardigan.chaiyok2!wassalam smua.

Tekanan itu adalah stress

assalamualaikum smuuuaaa.slamat pagi MALAYSIA!okey..fine.aku cuba utk jadik normal walaupun otak dh wear out akibat menjawab soklan test2 calculus.sjujur2 nya...aku rasa dpt half jer test ni...itu pun nasib baik kalu dpt half.ape menda la aku jwb tadik?apsal la dia tak tanya soklan yg aku sure2 blh jwb.cthnya : apakah nama penuh 4 heroes citer boys over flowers atau sebutkan nama kesemua 13 members of Super Junior atau adakah heroin winter sonata mati atau lady gaga asal mane.kalu soklan2 mcm ni kluar....mmg aku blh jwb straight.dgn smooth tanpa ada sekat2.tp soklan yg kuar

find the tangent line of this curve bla bla bla. FINE.AKU XJUMPA CARIK NILAI 'X' DIA.MMG AKU LOST MCM TU JER 8 MARKAH.

minx maaf la yer kwn2.aku agak emosional stelah melangkah kluar dari test room blok N.melihat muka rakan2 lain yg tersenyum puas seolah2 dapat anak kembar,mmg membuatkan aku jeles.3 hari aku blajar calculus...sampai tido pun ngan buku atas kepala.time makan pun still hafal formula tp iiiniiii yg ko balas calculus!?aku sayang ko sepenuh ati jiwa raga tp ini yg ko wat kt aku?aiiiihhh..xpe la...byk lagi test pada masa akan datang

suara hati : afiqahh...kalu ko dpt half pun,biasa la tuh.mcm ko xbiasa.

afiqah : tp ini lain..aku study giler2 tahap transformer.tp still xleh jwb =;=

suara hati : jgn la sedey.fizik ngan chem kan ade lg.

afiqah : itu lagi teruk drpd calculus.

suara hati : hidup masih panjang.future is waiting for u.teruskan survive..

afiqah : blh x jgn sibuk2.

suara hati : fine.ko xnk blajar sudah.pegi kawin!itu pun kalu ade org nk kt ko.

kesimpulannya...saya btul2 meminta maaf atas menda2 yg telah saya melalutkan dia atas ini.kalu anda rasa xnk baca..saya amat2 memahami.sekian.

falling down is okey but it is the matter of getting back up..

to this person that i love forever...

i knew u were hurt every time u were there.u can feel ur own weakness all over ur tiny body.i guessed u are crying everyday and wishing things can be better. i guessed u wake up everyday and hoping that ur parents were there.guessing is never enough.because whatever happen,i could not be there with u.crying,wishing and hoping together.

but u know what?we are waiting for u here.we would not stop waiting.i pray for u everyday,that u can be stronger.dont ever look back,because sometimes it may be too hard to be compared to now.we choose our own path.is it right or not,it doesnt matter.because this life,honey.life never end unless u end it up by urself.be strong,because it is who u are.i love u and never stop missing u.be strong okeyy..

journey with no end

"Often thought of suicide
It’s kind of hard when you ain’t got no friends" - Youth of Nation- POD

"If I took my life tonight, chance are that I might
Mutilation out of sight and I’m contemplating suicide" - Last Resort - Papa Roach

"You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You’re mother’s gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bare" - Good Charlotte- hold on

"I couldn’t wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone" -blink 182 -adam's song

okey.ini adalah post yg kedua.bg orang yg baru ade blog mcm diriku,mmg la tiap2 ari update blog.tp rasanya lepas ni,password blog pun dh xingat.anyway,..as u can see above(mcm ayat lecturer),i already posted a few lyrics or lines about committing suicide.so,my conclusion is..do u think suicide is sooo overrated? hahahha.correct me if i'm wrong.

well...neither one of my friends commit suicide or even have attention to commit one and we are lucky to live in this peaceful country where suicide is not an issue here.but still...masih ade orang yg wat status kt fb or twitter or ape2 jer la social network yg available...mengdeclarekan diri diaorng dlm depression n killing own self is the only solution.u know what...if u think ur life is painful enough,try to think out of box then.isn't it hurts to kill ourself?i mean...to cut the wrist off or even jump 11 storey building.it is a very awful way to die.

what my point here is...i'm not a princess or either Taylor Swift (because she's soooo lucky to date Jake).and sometimes my life is also miserable.feeling like to run away and do something stupid.like...eating 5 plates of nasi lemak even tough i'm on diet or scratching my ex's car or go swimming for 6 hours non stop or jogging until fatigue but never once i thought of suicide as the only way to solve problems.

some of u may say "mmg la idup ko miserable jugak tp xse'miserable aku" or "ko tau ape?ko xpenah rasa kene tinggal nganb boyfriend" or "ko xtau ape yg aku lalui.teruk gilllerrr.".okey.fine.maybe i'm not in your position dimana u all kene tinggal ngan boyfriend atau xdek duit nk makan atau xdek parents nk mengadu but...whatever come in ur life,face it.face it like u should.dont run away.dont be scared.that's why we call it as life.if u dont want to go through it,we dont even call it 'life' anymore...instead we call it 'death'.

The only one that last forever

Well..how should i begin this blog?this is my first ever.not exactly first.i did blogging before but it was so last year and i already deleted the old one.

sbenarnya..serious,xtau nk tulis ape walaupun baru first post.pelik dgn sesetengah orang yg blh tulis post panjang2 n cerita smua menda yg brlaku dalam idup diaorng.kene blajar ngan diaorang la kot.

"Just promise me one thing, promise me that when you pick the boy you're really going to be with, that he'll be someone who respects you and treats you well. And, it's someone who makes your heart race and that he's someone you love because of what he is, not what he does."

fine.my first post is supposedly to be read only by girls but guys,if u want to know exactly what is in our heart,stick to this page and never leave it unless u finish reading it. some of old friends of mine,they gave me a call sometimes.u know,just to catch things up with our new life but u know what is the unavoidable question that they usually ask and i,myself end up with no answer?

"Weh,ko dh boyfriend blum?Xdek?Apsal?Larrr...carik jer la".

i laughed my ass off.like seriously...carik jer la!?hahahha.macam boyfriend blh pegi carik kt pasar malam or pasar tani.kalu berkenan blh tawar2 harga. to be honest,i dont like doing this sort of genre for my post.especially for my first post.i have thousand of things to be posted.like...about my studies which is i cannot understand a thing in chemistry and physic but i still end up writing about boyfriends.u know why?stop asking me to find new boyfriend or crush.falling in love is not something that we can decide.it is not our right to control our heart.but we can control our own head.

what do i want?refer back to the quote above.even it takes 100 thousand years of time to become reality but who cares anyway?do u want to get something u really want and find it not enough or are u ready to wait for a long time and get something u need?girls...don't choose guy because there is no other guy.choose guy that u really want to end up with.getting married to and growing old together.i know this sound really cheesy but u know what i mean right?

so...see u in the next post.no more blogging about guys i hope.i'm planning to do some posts about music,movies or even fashion,something that i have passion for.thanks for reading.